Seal and Golden Book / Diary of an expedition dog
Me in the Mongolian Gobi desert.
(Photos of the diary entry can be found at the end of the text).
Of course, I had my idea of what life as a travel dog would be like. But guys, huuuuuuuuuuu in my wildest dreams I would never have thought that I could also be a seal. Preferably captain on a junk. Although Tanja says I shouldn’t take my sweet dog’s mouth so full. The title “seal” is quite sufficient. Huuuhuuuuu, best I tell you from the beginning again.
My people didn’t want to miss the famous Halong Bay in Vietnam. You can’t get anywhere here by bike. This is only possible with a boat. When it came to planning this project, my two looked at me thoughtfully. I looked back innocently and said: “I’ll make myself really small, I promise”. Denis raised his eyebrows: “You can’t make yourself so small that you become invisible to the junk crew and captain.” The good news is that we are traveling in Vietnam and solutions are always available, uncomplicated and spontaneous. A “no” is by no means a “no” and where there is a chicken, it will be eaten… Hmmmm. Luckily our friend Manh knows someone who owns a boat and allowed me to go on board. Ha, ha, Huuuhuuuuu, so the way was open for me to experience Vietnam as a seal. Tanja was already a little excited. She doubted whether there was a place on board for me to do, well you know what, Pi and Pu. That wasn’t a problem for me at all. There was this great excursion to a small island. We could all go swimming there. I jumped into the sea with my humans and huuuuiiiiii I tell you, I tasted salt water for the first time in my life. Brrrrrrrr. This stuff is really awful. Nevertheless, I had drunk so much of it that Denis forbade me to have another mouthful. He said I would feel sick and get even thirstier. Man, I bark at you. How right he was. This stuff is really awful. However, as I had promised my humans not to cause any trouble, I made a huge pile in the sand a short time later. Phew. I tell you. Tanja was really relieved. Did she think I was going to empty myself on the ship’s planks? So something like this. Not me. A big white wolf doesn’t just shit on ship planks like that. Where are you going? “Thank heaven,” Tanja had said. I really don’t understand that.
The next morning, however, it was already weighing heavily on me. I had to. Hm, Tanja had given me permission to piss on the planks at 5:30 a.m. at sunrise. I tell you. That was a relief. I did a good job, she had praised me for not wetting the captain’s shoes. No, I would never do that. Not me. I don’t understand what people make a fuss about a bit of dog pee anyway. Just imagine. Tanja poured a bucket filled with the awful tasting salt water over my carefully placed stamp. “The rain will do the rest,” she said. But don’t think I’m always going to tell you all about it. I don’t want to spin so many yarns about my private life. This is an exception and you have to promise to keep it to yourselves.
The seal life is amazing and I have never missed a boat that I can be on since then. I love having the fresh wind blowing around my nose, even if it smells like the awful salty stuff. Anyway… The sea trip is awesome. Somehow I envy the real wild seals. They even live there, Denis told me.
Now that I’m telling you so trustingly, my dear friends, I would also like to tell you about the golden book. I had already told you about this in China. Now the golden book has really taken off. Tanja had thought about creating a reference book for me. Reference, what a strange word? Well, never mind. The strange thing is that when we arrive at a hotel or guest house, people always get a terrible fright when they see me. It’s a real mystery to me why. But it usually doesn’t take long before they all want to be photographed with me. Sure, they love my white fur. Especially my size. You rarely see a white wolf here Huuuuhuuuuu! However. Sometimes people are really bitchy, point at me and don’t want me in their house. Then comes the moment when my great, lovely and beautiful Tanja unpacks my golden book and presents it to the managers, also a silly word. Then they read that I don’t poop in their rooms, don’t pee on the cupboard door and don’t bite into their awful-tasting furniture. What on earth do people come up with? It also says that I don’t sleep in the stupid beds. They don’t know that I have my own super nice smelling bed with me. Although Denis always claims it stinks. People are just strange. But never mind. The book also says that I don’t bark, yowl, throw up in the corner or simply bite hotel guests on the leg. Man, they have a wheel off. Why would I bite someone’s leg? A human leg must taste bad. But never mind. After reading the ten great Chinese and Vietnamese reports that managers and hotel owners have written about me, I am treated like a prince. Well, I’m just a cool dog. Some think I’m a wolf, some think I’m a prince and my Denis even claims to look like a maharajah when I’m sitting in my palanquin. For those who don’t know, I’m talking about my great caravan.
That reminds me of something really funny. One of the hotel managers misused my book. Yes, really. He wrote something about my people in it. So something like this. But luckily he wrote the truth because, in his words, they don’t get dirty and are super nice and sweet. He’s really right about that. Great people, both of you. They always give me enough to eat and drink and I get to experience endless adventures.
But never mind. Once the managers have rummaged through my golden book in their funny clothes, we can move in. Well, if my humans didn’t have me with them, they would certainly often have to sleep out in the wilderness. They’re really lucky, those two. However. When we check into one of the rooms, Tanja sticks a note on the door. “Watch out watchdog” And how right she is. I just want someone to come in. I would bite him in the leg just for fun. No matter how it tastes. Huuuuhuuuu!
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