Psychological low
Day: 50
Heart Camp – 30.06.2000
Unfortunately, the situation remains unchanged. It is a mystery to me why we have so many difficulties. We feel like soldiers in action who have to fight on different fronts at the same time. The saddle problem simply won’t let us go, the constant rain is gnawing at our frayed nerves and the increasingly wild camels are endangering our lives and expedition project to such an extent that I find it difficult to report on this eternally repeating drama. I’ve had to make a lot of effort in the last few weeks not to let myself get into a mental slump. The incessant fear that this expedition could fail right from the start is simply stressful. However, it also makes no sense to spoil my life in this way or to deprive myself of important qualities of my earthly existence. Time and again, I come to the conclusion that problems are nothing more than tasks or hurdles that need to be overcome. Our lives are full of countless such tasks of varying degrees of difficulty.
At this very moment, as I write these lines, I have to ask myself why I have chosen this way of life. Well, it was my free choice to want to cross Australia by camel and I have written the reasons for this in the introduction to the diary. We are free to throw in the towel and give up. But, and this may sound strange now, there is no alternative to our expedition life for me or for Tanja. Even if we have to walk through many valleys, we know that in life with nature there are always wonderful heights that give us a 360-degree panoramic view that is comparable to an eagle soaring above its nest. This and countless other reasons motivate us to continue. It prompts us to walk further into a world unknown to us, to be curious, to explore, observe, experience, analyze, smell, taste and live life to the full, even if it is a little painful on some days.
Tanja and I are sitting by the campfire and, interrupted by a few interviews, are again cutting strips about 4 centimeters wide from the old car inner tubes. I then wrap these rubber strips around the dangerous edges of the L-frames to reduce the risk of injury. If a camel suddenly jumps up, one of us could be hit by the frame. I don’t even want to think about the consequences. However, it is better to eliminate a recognized danger at an early stage. A feast for the palate at the campfire.
In the evening, I put large, dead branches and roots on the fire when Tanja speaks to me in a good mood. “Let’s cook something special today,” “Okay, what do you suggest,” I reply. “What do you think of blackberries as a starter, then some baked potatoes and jacket onions. Served with tinned peas and asparagus and fresh, hot damper (bread baked in the camp oven or Bedourie) with butter.” Wow, sounds like Christmas. Do we have blackberries and asparagus?” “There’s a treat once a month and I think we should celebrate a little here by this beautiful heart fire,” she replies with a laugh. I’m as happy as a little boy and immediately start making a dough from the flour we’ve brought with us to bake the damper. To make the bread even tastier, I cut onions and garlic into the dough and knead it thoroughly. Then I form a slice about two centimeters thick and place it on the bottom of the steel pot sprinkled with flour, which I place in the embers of the fireplace. To get the right heat for a well-baked loaf, I shovel some embers onto the lid of the Bedourie. Then I wait eagerly for my creation and watch the flames of the heart fire flickering away. In the meantime, Tanja takes care of the delicious evening meal. After a while, a wonderful aroma of baked bread wafts through the night air. I carefully clear the embers from the bedourie, lift off its heavy steel lid with a pair of tongs to check whether the dough is ready. “Look at that, better than any baker’s,” I say proudly, pointing to the crispy, yellow-brown damper. Then, when Tanja has also finished her delicacies, we enjoy our dinner. As so often, we are looking at the starry sky when suddenly a bright meteorite breaks through the earth’s atmosphere and lights up the night sky with its bright tail. Tanja takes my hand and in that brief moment we know why we are going to so much trouble.
